Hello empty walls...LOL
I feel like sharing, and since not too many folks around me tend to listen when I ramble, you, fine computer and blank non existent piece of paper are it.
A lot has been going on again :) Lets see if I can't bring it down to a simple list - nah - nothing I do is ever simple.
Arland and I just got back from a whirlwind trip to Texas. Our prior landlord was climbing a ladder to get a cactus down to show his grandson. Unfortunately, he wasn't wearing his O2 and passed out when he got to the top. As a 71 yr old, he bounced pretty good, down about 7 foot and banging his head and hitting his ribs on a railroad tie on the way down. For those of you who don't know what a rail road tie is, it's about a 6"x6" piece of timber used in between the rails of the tracks for trains. Pretty solid things. To say the least, it didn't move when he hit it. Fortunately, nothing was broken; unfortunately, his spirit was. Our friends know it's quite a distance from where we live to their home, but our help was needed and as always, God provided the means. We went. Something that Pastor talks about, irrational generosity. Going when you know you can't without His help, during a time when you are exhausted beyond all means but His, and with an empty cup that He fills.
Arland and I had a fantastic trip there. I was bouncing off the headliner and didn't settle till we took a pit stop for sleep in Louisiana. Unfortunately, we weren't able to visit his dad, or stop and see our friends who live half in Florida (her) and half in Louisiana (him). Oh, they are still quite married and quite in love. Just what has to happens to keep the financial wheels rolling. More about them later ;) I digress. Our daughter in law and grand daughter were still partying down at a cousins wedding and our son was at work - so we kept on moving and headed for Comstock.
Although it was late, our arrival was joyous and on my part of course, loud. It was so good to see folks that mean so much to us. And it was so good to see Mr. T all sparkly eyed and bushy tailed. From what we were told, he wasn't eating unless he was being fed, barely getting up to use the bathroom, hardly talking and really not doing well at all. He was rebounding already. It was so good to see everyone.
The trip was full of successes, catching up with our son and his family (the funnest part was watching our grand daughter bond with her Fajah...made the heart just tingle with goodness). His troubles seem to be passing THANK YOU LORD!! We saw soooo many of our friends back there - I started a list of who we caught up with, boy was it long!
good grief...forgotten I had this on the fires...No idea where the track was going, but it was a blast!!!
Monday, August 31, 2015
Don't use the word "Try" if you want to succeed
I'm going to start this up again. Probably pretty important right now to do this as I need somewhere to keep my thoughts organized and moving forward. Honestly, I need to journal in a book that has a lock on it so tight even a proctologist couldn't unlock it - or Oceans 13. That's not going to happen. And since it's not going to happen, I'm going to move past the drama and into the light.
Some amazing things have been happening in my life. So here it goes :)
Several years ago, before we needed to make the move back to Florida, I had done some research on getting my Yoga certification. Not happy with the idea of learning to teach Yoga from an online course, I searched and searched for one that fit my personal needs. One place in particular stuck out to me. Yoga Energy Studios in St. Petersburg Florida. I spied on them through Facebook and watched the interactions between the owners and their community. A few times I would even make the odd comment because I was compelled to join in the conversation. Boy was I wowed. I received comments back! Nice ones! Ones that were actually relevant to my comments! And smiley faces on top of that!!! Move forward a couple years and I had the opportunity to take an online Yoga course. It sounded good, had the right accreditation and even applied to other courses. I was concerned and needed some advice - so I wrote to Vie from Yoga Energy Studios. WOWED again - she wrote back!!! And was very kind, very informative, and very very supportive. I was hooked. They had me. I had already known in the back of my head this was where I wanted my instruction, but her response proved this was where I needed to be. There was no talk of "come to us" so we can make money off you, there was no "our program is the best" we want to sell you our lesson plans. It was straight from the heart and the advice was given directly to ME for ME. I think I fell in love at that moment. I knew I needed more time with these folks. So I started participating in more of the comments, sending them things I thought they might be interested in, and stalking some more.
You know what I found out? That they had been following me. They had not only answered questions, commented back, but knew things that I didn't think anyone paid attention to. They were learning about me while I was learning about them and it felt good. And when they wanted me to pass their love onto the horses and hubby ...well....yeah. Hook, line AND SINKER now. And Instagram. Boy did that door open up a world to me.
I followed, I watched, I learned. Then, one day there was a challenge put up from my friends Vie and Tim. You see, not only is Yoga a not so secret passion of mine, but learning how to Stand Up Paddle was driving me BATTY!!! Here was a yoga challenge where I might actually win a board, or better yet YOGA INSTRUCTION!!!! I was going to do it. Put my big ole bad ass body out there for all to see and do my best to win the challenge. I didn't want the grand prize of the SUP Board and all the goodies - I wanted the yoga instruction! As far as I know, that was the only way I was going to get instruction. You know what? I did it!!! and you know what else?! I STOOD UP!!! There are many who didn't think I would be able to. Including my own mom. But I did it. Vie took special time with me (the other two there were regulars with the group) and she taught me something very important. Don't use the word TRY. When you use the word you are giving yourself permission to fail. You are admitting out loud that you don't have confidence that you CAN. It was after she told me that....and corrected me several times - ever been corrected by a Greek woman? Though she be mighty, she be strong! - I said out loud "I will stand up" - and I did! Not only did I stand up, but because I hadn't put doubt into my action by the word "try", I didn't fall back into the water. Instead I paddled, and paddled, and paddled.
Several months have passed now. Life has again gotten tumultuous and I have had no time for myself. The exhilaration of the moment has been overshadowed by the hardships we have gone through and the isolation I am in. It's time to change that and change it big time. My life in Christ has grown since we've been at Fuel Community Church, although for some reason our friendships haven't, we are at least being fed spiritually and that is the most important thing in the world to me. It's time to recharge that vitality that I gained that day on the water at Vanoy Park. It's time to start that course on becoming a Certified Personal Trainer that I wanted so badly and prepare myself for the next challenge in my Yogi life which is Beginner Therapeutic Yoga Instructor. There is so much much more. But I'll save it. Time to register my class and get to work.
Some amazing things have been happening in my life. So here it goes :)
Several years ago, before we needed to make the move back to Florida, I had done some research on getting my Yoga certification. Not happy with the idea of learning to teach Yoga from an online course, I searched and searched for one that fit my personal needs. One place in particular stuck out to me. Yoga Energy Studios in St. Petersburg Florida. I spied on them through Facebook and watched the interactions between the owners and their community. A few times I would even make the odd comment because I was compelled to join in the conversation. Boy was I wowed. I received comments back! Nice ones! Ones that were actually relevant to my comments! And smiley faces on top of that!!! Move forward a couple years and I had the opportunity to take an online Yoga course. It sounded good, had the right accreditation and even applied to other courses. I was concerned and needed some advice - so I wrote to Vie from Yoga Energy Studios. WOWED again - she wrote back!!! And was very kind, very informative, and very very supportive. I was hooked. They had me. I had already known in the back of my head this was where I wanted my instruction, but her response proved this was where I needed to be. There was no talk of "come to us" so we can make money off you, there was no "our program is the best" we want to sell you our lesson plans. It was straight from the heart and the advice was given directly to ME for ME. I think I fell in love at that moment. I knew I needed more time with these folks. So I started participating in more of the comments, sending them things I thought they might be interested in, and stalking some more.
You know what I found out? That they had been following me. They had not only answered questions, commented back, but knew things that I didn't think anyone paid attention to. They were learning about me while I was learning about them and it felt good. And when they wanted me to pass their love onto the horses and hubby ...well....yeah. Hook, line AND SINKER now. And Instagram. Boy did that door open up a world to me.
I followed, I watched, I learned. Then, one day there was a challenge put up from my friends Vie and Tim. You see, not only is Yoga a not so secret passion of mine, but learning how to Stand Up Paddle was driving me BATTY!!! Here was a yoga challenge where I might actually win a board, or better yet YOGA INSTRUCTION!!!! I was going to do it. Put my big ole bad ass body out there for all to see and do my best to win the challenge. I didn't want the grand prize of the SUP Board and all the goodies - I wanted the yoga instruction! As far as I know, that was the only way I was going to get instruction. You know what? I did it!!! and you know what else?! I STOOD UP!!! There are many who didn't think I would be able to. Including my own mom. But I did it. Vie took special time with me (the other two there were regulars with the group) and she taught me something very important. Don't use the word TRY. When you use the word you are giving yourself permission to fail. You are admitting out loud that you don't have confidence that you CAN. It was after she told me that....and corrected me several times - ever been corrected by a Greek woman? Though she be mighty, she be strong! - I said out loud "I will stand up" - and I did! Not only did I stand up, but because I hadn't put doubt into my action by the word "try", I didn't fall back into the water. Instead I paddled, and paddled, and paddled.
Several months have passed now. Life has again gotten tumultuous and I have had no time for myself. The exhilaration of the moment has been overshadowed by the hardships we have gone through and the isolation I am in. It's time to change that and change it big time. My life in Christ has grown since we've been at Fuel Community Church, although for some reason our friendships haven't, we are at least being fed spiritually and that is the most important thing in the world to me. It's time to recharge that vitality that I gained that day on the water at Vanoy Park. It's time to start that course on becoming a Certified Personal Trainer that I wanted so badly and prepare myself for the next challenge in my Yogi life which is Beginner Therapeutic Yoga Instructor. There is so much much more. But I'll save it. Time to register my class and get to work.
Monday, June 16, 2014
Lets see now....
It's been a while. Quite a while.
We've moved back to Florida in order to help my mom with her health and isolation. It's amazing how you can come from such a close church community and find yourself utterly alone when crisis hits, or when you can no longer do for others much less yourself.
I think that's why my hubby has such a hard time becoming a "member" of another church. It's happened to us so many times. We are accepted, good and fine, until tragedy strikes and we are no longer able to give of ourselves the way were were doing before. I'm talking time here, not tithes. There is a difference.
Families are no different for the most part. When they don't need you, or you have a desperate need for them - they kinda disappear between the cracks. My immediate family isn't that way. Our kiddos are there for us as much as we are for them - and we all understand when we can't just reach out and be there. One thing we can always say though, we are always there for emotional support.
That's what we are doing for momu. Emotional support. I'm not doing a very good job at it, been a rough decade for the Creach household. Wait. Been longer than a decade...nearly 15 years now. But, I'm doing my best. There is a lot to catch you up on - whoever "you" are. If anything, I'm doing what's desperately needed and getting some rambling thoughts out there into the open.
Ok. Time for this last year:
February a year ago drove momu out to Texas to see what she thought of it and if she would be happy moving out there with us.
End of February came back to Florida with momu and hubby for a visit and to get the ball rolling.
March we flew back to Texas with plans of moving mom to Texas
April mom can no longer tolerate the pain in her back and visits a spine doctor
May I come back to Florida to help mom through the treatments and start packing up her home
June decision is made that momu is unable to make the move and house is in no way ready for sales market - and she doesn't need to be alone any longer
July our best friend and his kids come out to Texas to help us make the move with 1 horse, 1 ferret, 1 dog, and 1 cat back to Florida to move in with Momu and restart the routine with Veterans appointments, spinal treatments, etc.
I'm sure stuff happened in between all this and January, but goodness if I can remember it all.
January Mom ends up in hospital with a serious infection coursing through her body and we nearly loose her. Back is getting worse, legs getting weaker. She's in over a week.
February it's more treatments and after our 31st wedding anniversary I head to Texas to help our son out with his daughter
May I come back to Florida, mom is in hospital as outpatient
June mom is in hospital for 5 days, son needs me back in Texas but I can't leave.
This time line doesn't even begin to add into it the difficulties and health issues my daughter or my hubby are having and as far as mine....well, lets say they are so far on the back burner that even the chickens can't find them. I do what we all do, put it off, ignore it, and move forward - right?!
I have had many revelations during this time, uhm, couple of mini breakdowns which no one witnessed, and made some beautiful memories.
Realized that some long time friends are more superficial than I could ever imagine, that others are more generous than any one I know - except to themselves and the adults they love, and I have found out the the Baptist Church isn't as loopy and freaky behind the times as I thought. Some are more in tune with the Spirit than most First Assembly's that I have belonged to.
Oh. I also lost my best friend and long time horse bud, Ivan. It was during the first May that I was gone before we decided make the new move back to Florida. I soon (by June) adopted my next bud and pal, Sky. He's a funny boy.
Well, so much for short blips. Now to go back and fill in spaces. HAH!!
We've moved back to Florida in order to help my mom with her health and isolation. It's amazing how you can come from such a close church community and find yourself utterly alone when crisis hits, or when you can no longer do for others much less yourself.
I think that's why my hubby has such a hard time becoming a "member" of another church. It's happened to us so many times. We are accepted, good and fine, until tragedy strikes and we are no longer able to give of ourselves the way were were doing before. I'm talking time here, not tithes. There is a difference.
Families are no different for the most part. When they don't need you, or you have a desperate need for them - they kinda disappear between the cracks. My immediate family isn't that way. Our kiddos are there for us as much as we are for them - and we all understand when we can't just reach out and be there. One thing we can always say though, we are always there for emotional support.
That's what we are doing for momu. Emotional support. I'm not doing a very good job at it, been a rough decade for the Creach household. Wait. Been longer than a decade...nearly 15 years now. But, I'm doing my best. There is a lot to catch you up on - whoever "you" are. If anything, I'm doing what's desperately needed and getting some rambling thoughts out there into the open.
Ok. Time for this last year:
February a year ago drove momu out to Texas to see what she thought of it and if she would be happy moving out there with us.
End of February came back to Florida with momu and hubby for a visit and to get the ball rolling.
March we flew back to Texas with plans of moving mom to Texas
April mom can no longer tolerate the pain in her back and visits a spine doctor
May I come back to Florida to help mom through the treatments and start packing up her home
June decision is made that momu is unable to make the move and house is in no way ready for sales market - and she doesn't need to be alone any longer
July our best friend and his kids come out to Texas to help us make the move with 1 horse, 1 ferret, 1 dog, and 1 cat back to Florida to move in with Momu and restart the routine with Veterans appointments, spinal treatments, etc.
I'm sure stuff happened in between all this and January, but goodness if I can remember it all.
January Mom ends up in hospital with a serious infection coursing through her body and we nearly loose her. Back is getting worse, legs getting weaker. She's in over a week.
February it's more treatments and after our 31st wedding anniversary I head to Texas to help our son out with his daughter
May I come back to Florida, mom is in hospital as outpatient
June mom is in hospital for 5 days, son needs me back in Texas but I can't leave.
This time line doesn't even begin to add into it the difficulties and health issues my daughter or my hubby are having and as far as mine....well, lets say they are so far on the back burner that even the chickens can't find them. I do what we all do, put it off, ignore it, and move forward - right?!
I have had many revelations during this time, uhm, couple of mini breakdowns which no one witnessed, and made some beautiful memories.
Realized that some long time friends are more superficial than I could ever imagine, that others are more generous than any one I know - except to themselves and the adults they love, and I have found out the the Baptist Church isn't as loopy and freaky behind the times as I thought. Some are more in tune with the Spirit than most First Assembly's that I have belonged to.
Oh. I also lost my best friend and long time horse bud, Ivan. It was during the first May that I was gone before we decided make the new move back to Florida. I soon (by June) adopted my next bud and pal, Sky. He's a funny boy.
Well, so much for short blips. Now to go back and fill in spaces. HAH!!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Across the Gap to Conference 2012 Day Uno
I know I'm not the only one who is waking up this morning with a nervous stomach and fear of the unknown. It's only natural, and it gets to the best of us at the best of times. Heck, it's even been out of fear that has taken me so long to get to blogging - this is only my second blog since 2007 - ok - second blog ever. But, I owe it to everyone else out there who lives in fear to show how stepping out can really be the right thing to do....hopefully.... :)
Ok gang, it's Thursday June 21, 2012 and even though today is all the pre conference tado - I'm sure the festivities are well under way. It sounds like the partying has already begun as FaceBook has been pretty quiet except for travel updates. I've been pretty quiet on there as well. Homecoming was full of it's usual excitement, drama, and tragedies as ever - toss in final exams in 4 online classes, late nights with old friends, late night and hot tea with my momma, the constant running and Pulmonary Hypertension and you have quite a mess. Oh, did I mention that my son also came down and saw his 3 sons for the first time in 2 years? His youngest had never met him before except as a new born. They spent 3 days with us - and it was amazing watching the four of them bond. The most tender of moments was after Dane went running around with the youngest, Lucian, on his shoulders - Lucian says to me, "this is MY daddy!" Made us both well up with tears. Some day, you'll know just how monumental this day was - besides being Father's Day.
CONFERENCE!!! And I'm scared as poop!! It's odd. I'm usually a very openly excitable person and this has me shaking in my boots. I have to wonder if it isn't all related to the craziness that went on after my last right heart catheterization and what I believe (and all my other physicians) is a major misdiagnosis due to computer, equipment, and doctor malfunction. Nothing like being left on the edge of the fence and your fanny hanging out to dry. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and breaths like a duck - by george, it's a duck!!
I hope to find some answers - or at least a good path and phantastic friends at conference 2012.
Love and hugz 'n prayers to all
Sylvia
Ok gang, it's Thursday June 21, 2012 and even though today is all the pre conference tado - I'm sure the festivities are well under way. It sounds like the partying has already begun as FaceBook has been pretty quiet except for travel updates. I've been pretty quiet on there as well. Homecoming was full of it's usual excitement, drama, and tragedies as ever - toss in final exams in 4 online classes, late nights with old friends, late night and hot tea with my momma, the constant running and Pulmonary Hypertension and you have quite a mess. Oh, did I mention that my son also came down and saw his 3 sons for the first time in 2 years? His youngest had never met him before except as a new born. They spent 3 days with us - and it was amazing watching the four of them bond. The most tender of moments was after Dane went running around with the youngest, Lucian, on his shoulders - Lucian says to me, "this is MY daddy!" Made us both well up with tears. Some day, you'll know just how monumental this day was - besides being Father's Day.
CONFERENCE!!! And I'm scared as poop!! It's odd. I'm usually a very openly excitable person and this has me shaking in my boots. I have to wonder if it isn't all related to the craziness that went on after my last right heart catheterization and what I believe (and all my other physicians) is a major misdiagnosis due to computer, equipment, and doctor malfunction. Nothing like being left on the edge of the fence and your fanny hanging out to dry. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and breaths like a duck - by george, it's a duck!!
I hope to find some answers - or at least a good path and phantastic friends at conference 2012.
Love and hugz 'n prayers to all
Sylvia
Monday, December 26, 2011
A Christmas present from me...to me
I'm done worrying over friendships and trying to be the one who keeps them afloat. I'm going to do the best thing in the world for me, and probably them...let them go. I've hung on so tight that there are probably fingerprints of mine in their DNA. No, really - I don't think I'm exaggerating.
I think my problem comes from not knowing how to differentiate between different types of friendships much less recognizing when it's time to change, grow up, move on, let go, morph or whatever you want to term it. Just like the relationship you have with your parents, your spouse and your children - change happens. It's pretty easy to tell someone else all this, but it's darn difficult to allow it to happen in your own personal life. Especially when it involves people who have been in your life for a significant amount of time. Remember - significance, like beauty - is in the eye of the beholder and held to relevance.
A person can be in your life for a very very short time and be a make such an impact that you feel they have been there forever and you can't imagine living without them or life before them. Then there are those who have been in your life forever and you really don't remember life before them. You've grown together through the years and in the beginning your lives ran a parallel and you had much in common. Spoke all the time and knew all there was to know. Then as the years move forward and your lives take on that adult structure of wake up, take care of the kids, go to work/school, come home, take care of the kids, go to bed and so on. With that cycle comes the box. This box encloses you in your own world and you become blinded to whats going on over the rim. There are Christmas cards, and even those trickle and start to disappear.
My Christmas present is to try and accept the changes in my relationships. If having Pulmonary Hypertension has taught me one thing, it's to take each day to it's full advantage and not to sweat the small stuff. Every one's life changes - all the time. It's God's purpose for us to change and grow so that His plan can be fulfilled in our lives. Take off the blinders to the stumbling blocks that prevents the happiness that God wants you to have.
Is having an incurable disease a stumbling block? Yup. I certainly can't change it and will have to wait for God's purpose in it. I can let go of the things that worry me and cause me discomfort or ill feelings. If it means letting go of old or new things, then so be it. I value laughter and the ability to smile at everything. Holding onto things that make the brain hurt, the heart break and the tears roll - gotta let 'em go. Now I'm going to go and convince myself with some Red Dwarf and laff away the frustration :)
I think my problem comes from not knowing how to differentiate between different types of friendships much less recognizing when it's time to change, grow up, move on, let go, morph or whatever you want to term it. Just like the relationship you have with your parents, your spouse and your children - change happens. It's pretty easy to tell someone else all this, but it's darn difficult to allow it to happen in your own personal life. Especially when it involves people who have been in your life for a significant amount of time. Remember - significance, like beauty - is in the eye of the beholder and held to relevance.
A person can be in your life for a very very short time and be a make such an impact that you feel they have been there forever and you can't imagine living without them or life before them. Then there are those who have been in your life forever and you really don't remember life before them. You've grown together through the years and in the beginning your lives ran a parallel and you had much in common. Spoke all the time and knew all there was to know. Then as the years move forward and your lives take on that adult structure of wake up, take care of the kids, go to work/school, come home, take care of the kids, go to bed and so on. With that cycle comes the box. This box encloses you in your own world and you become blinded to whats going on over the rim. There are Christmas cards, and even those trickle and start to disappear.
My Christmas present is to try and accept the changes in my relationships. If having Pulmonary Hypertension has taught me one thing, it's to take each day to it's full advantage and not to sweat the small stuff. Every one's life changes - all the time. It's God's purpose for us to change and grow so that His plan can be fulfilled in our lives. Take off the blinders to the stumbling blocks that prevents the happiness that God wants you to have.
Is having an incurable disease a stumbling block? Yup. I certainly can't change it and will have to wait for God's purpose in it. I can let go of the things that worry me and cause me discomfort or ill feelings. If it means letting go of old or new things, then so be it. I value laughter and the ability to smile at everything. Holding onto things that make the brain hurt, the heart break and the tears roll - gotta let 'em go. Now I'm going to go and convince myself with some Red Dwarf and laff away the frustration :)
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